You can’t say I’m dumb
I PASSED MY AS
Yes it wasn’t fantastic but let’s look at it
I only started prep on March 1st and had nine months to prep
I had to fucking digest the whole syllabus into my head by myself and yes I had tuition and stuff but they only helped me review my answers and stuff
Even they were shocked I did better than they expected so shut the flying duck up
Moments like this make me regret not going into a JC because I know with the right tools I would have made it even better but I am contented that I’m applicable for a dream I have had since I was 4 and if all my applications clear I would be the happiest person Alive because i will be finally living my dream
So you know what everyone can hate me laugh at me
I don’t care because I’m this close to having my dream life and I don’t need a fanfare parade to lick my pantat for me the way you do
When I was 17, I was at a peak in my depression and I never thought that I would make it out of it but the light came and in many ways the past 5 years have shown me that I am beyond blessed and I appreciate that but a part of me has always known that this was not my belonging because the difference are beyond catastrophic explaining why I did a bunk early this year and just distanced myself away from the whole circle
People can call me a bitch fag whatever but the one thing no one can ever say is that I don’t care and it’s something that really drives me nuts because in many ways I have always felt that I contribute so much that it goes unrecognized yet the things I don’t live up to gets highlighted in neon lights. Truth is I remember everything clearly but the reasoning behind the backing out of certain incidents and promises was because I came to realize the ridiculous nature of the words coming out of my mouth. Moreover being the one that gives most of the time is tiring because I can’t member the last time I didn’t think twice before buying something because I had to save up for an upcoming event or how without a limp I went around just doing things for people what sucks the most besides the fact that it exhaust me? I can’t stop because I was raised that way. In many ways my bitchy demeanor came about because I myself know without the pout and bitch I’ll be trampled over faster than a shot dying.
Sometimes I wish someone would do something for me and just like you know I can fully how it feels to receive something. People ask what I’m doing for my 21st because I’m always running around planning everyone’s birthday and stuff. To be honest? I just wanna coop at home and sleep because it’s superficial how for one day everyone is extra nice to you and stuff and I don’t want any of that.
Maybe I’ll just do my usual and go to the Zoo and just not have to face the superficiality of the whole situation
Maybe I’m just sleep deprived or I’m really confused but I am really really tired of always being a wall
Odd is the one word I hate being called more than anything because that’s all everyone ever called me my whole ducking life